It begins
Today was really my first official day of paternity leave as Shelbi was back to work and I was to be alone with Elliott for 8+ hours. Oh how far we have come. Me. Alone with an infant. For 8 hours. The same person who, in college, literally screwed up making soup. (Fill the CAN with water. I thought it said fill the PAN. That was some bad soup.)
I had some grandiose plans for the day and here is what ensued.
4:37 a.m. Elliott is up and, as the alarm was set for 5 anyway, so are we.
4:56 a.m. I am up and ready to start running for the first time in 3 years. (I am nearly 50 pounds heavier than I was my freshman year in college. Perhaps I should go back to a diet of grossly watered down soup.)
4:57 a.m. Can't find jogging pants.
4:58 a.m. Out the door in flannel pajama bottoms and my new running shoes. (Bought some Asics yesterday. The cashier at the Sports Authority forced me to add the $5 warranty on them with this line: "Yeah, I wear Asics. They completely fall apart in a few months." Probably good she's not in the sales department.)
5:01 a.m. About to die after 3 blocks. I'm pretty sure each block was about half a mile though, right?
5:13 a.m. Back at the house. My ears are ringing and everything tastes like blood and I am wondering if just buying Wii Tennis would get the results I'm looking for.
5:48 a.m. Still trying to catch my breath with a baby in one hand and a bowl of Raisin Bran in the other.
6:32 a.m. Shelbi's out the door.
6:32 a.m. Shelbi's back having forgotten her coffee. In this short period of time Elliott is wailing while precariously positioned in his car seat on top of our tallest bookshelf and I'm playing on-line poker down the hall. (Or at least this is what I'm sure she envisioned when she walked back in the door.)
7:03 a.m. The Today show goes on for 4 hours?! I'm three minutes in and I'm bored out of my skull.
7:18 a.m. Nap time. I wake up covered in someone's drool
8:33 a.m. OK, ready to start on my to do list. First up, clean the kitchen. Oh yuck, congealed milk.
9:48 a.m. Resist calling Shelbi at work and screaming "He's not breathing! What do I do?"
10:22 a.m. Elliott discovers his hands for the first time and promptly punctuates the breakthrough by punching himself in the eye. This happens 25 more times throughout the day.
10:56 a.m. OK, really ready to tackle the kitchen... maybe throw in some laundry.
10: 57 a.m. Elliott goes from sleeping to what I'm sure is baby for "I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL IF I DON'T GET FED NOW!" in about 30 seconds. Tears, kicking, coughing, shrieking etc...
11:08 a.m. Elliott is better and so am I thanks to Regis and Kelly's delightfully playful banter.
11:49 a.m. Shelbi calls for the first time with this gem. "This is my day. I had to get my students to sign a contract stating that they wouldn't 'bend over' while dancing at the prom." I think the biggest problems the kids had during our high school dances was figuring out how in world you're supposed to dance to Jeremy's Spoken.
12:53 p.m. I realize I have nothing to eat for lunch in the house. I call Shelbi with this dilemma and she laughs at me. I eat 8 Wheat Thins.
1:48 p.m. Shelbi's getting home in a bit. Time to tackle that kitchen.
1:50 p.m. What's that smell?
1:51 p.m. It's what I like to call a "Mommy Diaper" I briefly contemplate how bad it would be to leave it for an hour until Shelbi gets home.
1:54 p.m. New pants for Elliott. He celebrates by making himself cross-eyed and then punches himself in the nose.
3:00 p.m. Shelbi's on her way home. I quickly fill up the dishwasher, run it and throw some mail in the recycling to make it look like I've accomplished something.
3:32 p.m. Shelbi's home and restores order to the house.
One meltdown on the first day's not bad.
I had some grandiose plans for the day and here is what ensued.
4:37 a.m. Elliott is up and, as the alarm was set for 5 anyway, so are we.
4:56 a.m. I am up and ready to start running for the first time in 3 years. (I am nearly 50 pounds heavier than I was my freshman year in college. Perhaps I should go back to a diet of grossly watered down soup.)
4:57 a.m. Can't find jogging pants.
4:58 a.m. Out the door in flannel pajama bottoms and my new running shoes. (Bought some Asics yesterday. The cashier at the Sports Authority forced me to add the $5 warranty on them with this line: "Yeah, I wear Asics. They completely fall apart in a few months." Probably good she's not in the sales department.)
5:01 a.m. About to die after 3 blocks. I'm pretty sure each block was about half a mile though, right?
5:13 a.m. Back at the house. My ears are ringing and everything tastes like blood and I am wondering if just buying Wii Tennis would get the results I'm looking for.
5:48 a.m. Still trying to catch my breath with a baby in one hand and a bowl of Raisin Bran in the other.
6:32 a.m. Shelbi's out the door.
6:32 a.m. Shelbi's back having forgotten her coffee. In this short period of time Elliott is wailing while precariously positioned in his car seat on top of our tallest bookshelf and I'm playing on-line poker down the hall. (Or at least this is what I'm sure she envisioned when she walked back in the door.)
7:03 a.m. The Today show goes on for 4 hours?! I'm three minutes in and I'm bored out of my skull.
7:18 a.m. Nap time. I wake up covered in someone's drool
8:33 a.m. OK, ready to start on my to do list. First up, clean the kitchen. Oh yuck, congealed milk.
9:48 a.m. Resist calling Shelbi at work and screaming "He's not breathing! What do I do?"
10:22 a.m. Elliott discovers his hands for the first time and promptly punctuates the breakthrough by punching himself in the eye. This happens 25 more times throughout the day.
10:56 a.m. OK, really ready to tackle the kitchen... maybe throw in some laundry.
10: 57 a.m. Elliott goes from sleeping to what I'm sure is baby for "I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL IF I DON'T GET FED NOW!" in about 30 seconds. Tears, kicking, coughing, shrieking etc...
11:08 a.m. Elliott is better and so am I thanks to Regis and Kelly's delightfully playful banter.
11:49 a.m. Shelbi calls for the first time with this gem. "This is my day. I had to get my students to sign a contract stating that they wouldn't 'bend over' while dancing at the prom." I think the biggest problems the kids had during our high school dances was figuring out how in world you're supposed to dance to Jeremy's Spoken.
12:53 p.m. I realize I have nothing to eat for lunch in the house. I call Shelbi with this dilemma and she laughs at me. I eat 8 Wheat Thins.
1:48 p.m. Shelbi's getting home in a bit. Time to tackle that kitchen.
1:50 p.m. What's that smell?
1:51 p.m. It's what I like to call a "Mommy Diaper" I briefly contemplate how bad it would be to leave it for an hour until Shelbi gets home.
1:54 p.m. New pants for Elliott. He celebrates by making himself cross-eyed and then punches himself in the nose.
3:00 p.m. Shelbi's on her way home. I quickly fill up the dishwasher, run it and throw some mail in the recycling to make it look like I've accomplished something.
3:32 p.m. Shelbi's home and restores order to the house.
One meltdown on the first day's not bad.
Matt if you need help with the house i can help you clean !! its not like i am at work or anything.
Love you and glad you had a good day!
keep us posted!!
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I'm not going to claim to be an expert, but I did want to pass along one bit of advice from watching my nieces and nephews sporadically over the years: Never, ever show fear.
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I can't stop laughing. Wait, let me take a short breath. Well, that didn't work.
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Whatever you do, do NOT watch the fourth hour of the Today Show. It's got Kathy Lee and some other lady, and it's God awful. I always seem to catch it in the break room when I'm getting water and the 30 seconds it takes to fill my glass are enough to kill at least 50 brain cells.
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