Father's Day
I'm a little confused right now. Yesterday was Father's Day. My first Father's Day. I thought that this would mark my official entry into some secret club. Some guy right out of a Norman Rockwell painting would show up at my door with his little 10-year-old scamp in tow, both of them carrying baseball mitts, the son with a jar full of fireflies. Then the dad would hand me a certificate, maybe a secret decoder ring... something with a special password that only fathers are privy to that unlocks a whole new world of secrets. Kind of like that old SNL skit where Eddie Murphy goes undercover as a white person.
Maybe it would teach me how to tie a square knot, how to build a tree fort, proper etiquette for attending tea parties etc... (maybe there are two different passwords for sons and daughters.) Then I figured there would be some type of parade for me. Nothing ridiculous of course. Just simple and classy.
I didn't really know how the rest of the day was supposed to pan out, just that Shelbi feeding me grapes would be prominently involved. But that didn't happen. I don't know if the proper authorities didn't have my address or if I needed to send in some form shortly after Elliott's birth. I mean, don't get me wrong, I got a very nice candlelit dinner out of the deal (no grapes). But I still have no idea how to install drywall, how to stop my bathtub from dripping and I'm pretty crappy at skipping stones. I was pretty sure this was all going to be cleared up on Father's Day but, looking back, I probably should have just joined the Boy Scouts.
It is never too late to join the Boy Scouts. I heard they are always looking for leaders. No experience necessary (well maybe it is but just fake it). In fact the sooner you join the less likely that Elliott will be tying square knots before you.
Be of good cheer. It only gets worse!!
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