Pantsdemonium
For the second time in the past five years, I had a serious issue with my pants at work today. Needless to say if, when she married me, Shelbi had to put over/under on how often she would receive the text "Help! Need pants!" from me while I was at the office, she would have been wise to take the over. The first time was a simple case of a popped button. Not a huge deal. Relatively easy to disguise. On the potential embarrassment meter between 1-10, it would probably rate a 4.
Today rated a solid 8. I was wearing Ol' Reliable, a pair of lightweight khaki pants, perfect to wear at work in the winter or during the summer when, on a 98-degree day, my 80-pound co-worker gets to the office in the morning and turns the freaking heat on. So I was in the break room and sat down to read the paper for a minute. There was no stereotypical ripping sound, just a peculiar feeling. I reached back and realized my pants had been dealt a potential death blow.
I timed my exit from the break room, making sure no one was behind me and scrambled to my desk, knowing that, for the next three hours, I wasn't going to be able to stand up. And that was the plan. One by one my co-workers filed out until it was just me and my editor. At that point, I casually backed my way to my car where I had a pair of basketball shorts for a game later in the evening. I picked them up and made my way back into the bathroom.
Then I could assess the damage to my pants and it was like the scene in Apollo 13 when the crew finally sees the magnitude of the explosion.
"Houston, I'm getting a look at my pants now. One whole side of the seat is missing!" Right at the fraying on the left side a whole buttock is blown out! Right down to the crotch!" Perhaps the biggest pantstastrophe of my life. But I guess you could call it a successful failure in that my work efficiency was severely hampered today but, at the same time, no one saw my butt.
The Pantstrosity
Serious blowout. One of my greatest fears while preaching on a Sunday morning.
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Wow. That puppy blew out like an old tire.
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