Needless to say there are times when I have thought I had been petting Einstein for the previous 15 minutes but actually had been stroking a huge clump of fur he had left behind a few days earlier. It was time to take him in for a bath, nail clipping and a trim at the local Petco. I should have known things would not go entirely smoothly when one of the first things I had to say to the groomer was "I hope it's not difficult to get banana out of his fur. (Elliott loves it when Einstein comes over to clean up after him during a meal so much that he routinely makes it rain with an assortment of fruit, vegetables and yogurt.)

The groomer ran one hand through Einstein's coat and immediately called in the head groomer. He informed me that Einstein's undercoat was so badly matted that he would need to be shaved. I have to admit that we have been less that stellar dog owners in the past year and a half as the dog has seen the attention he gets slashed by about 300%. I instantly felt guilty. We shave Einstein every spring, usually in April or May, but never before have I had to sign a waiver giving Petco permission to administer emergency care if something went wrong. Really? For a shave? Did his hair start growing internally? Was there so much of it that it was crushing him?

I returned four hours later to pick up our new dog. I mean that in more than one way. First, Einstein looks nothing like himself after he's been shaved. His legs are disproportionately long, his mane is trimmed, his tail is poofy. He looks like an arctic fox mated with an enormous albino sewer rat. It's cuter than it sounds. Secondly, Einstein acts differently when he is shaved. He hangs out in his corner, he sighs much more frequently and he hates going outside. I think this is party because he gets cold but actually has more to do with him being mortified to be seen this way by the boxers next door who hate him and already have more than enough ammunition to make fun of him. 

I pulled into our driveway and Einstein was clawing to get out so that he could tell Shelbi about how I let him be tortured at Petco and also so that he could get inside as quickly as possible without anyone else seeing him. He ran through the door enthusiastically. Shelbi put Elliott down to greet him... and Elliott shrieked and cowered. He started shaking with fear and clamored for Shelbi to pick him up. Now, Elliott is a bit of a scaredy cat. He cowers when confronted with most living animals, he shies away from realistic looking stuffed animals, he is petrified of being carried down stairs and he is scared of tree branches that are above his head. However, Elliott LOVES Einstein. He loves hugging Einstein, he loves chasing him, he loves feeding him, he loves pulling his hair, he loves getting kisses and he even loves getting snapped at by Einstein. It's his favorite toy in the world.

But Elliott was petrified of whatever this was that we had brought into the house. We kept saying over and over "Elliott! it's your Einstein! It's Einstein!" And that only freaked him out more. And who can blame him? At this stage, Elliott trusts what he can see above anything else. We were telling him this was Einstein and it clearly wasn't. This was a fast moving, barking, jumping worst nightmare. So, in Elliott's mind, one of two things had occurred. Either Einstein had been killed in some sort of factory accident and his disfigured form had returned from Hell to haunt us, or we had swapped Einstein out for this abomination that we were now trying to pass off as his best friend. Sorry Mom and Dad. No sale.

Shelbi and I were at a loss. Our son and dog could not coexist with Elliott literally shaking with fear at the mere sound of Einstein's paws tapping on the floor from down the hall. With Einstein at her feet, Shelbi put Elliott in her lap and brought up pictures on our computer of last spring. She showed him pictures of a shaved Einstein sitting next to baby Elliott. Amazingly, it seemed to work. After a minute, Elliott would look at the picture and then look down at Einstein. We asked him where Einstein was and he finally started to point to him. But it still took him another 24 hours before Elliott would approach the dog without trepidation.

Crisis averted but I have to admit that I am about a month overdue for a haircut myself and I'm not looking forward to the potential repercussions.