Ants!
We have a bit of an ant problem at the Sherman compound. It's been going on for a few weeks now. We'll wake up in the morning and there will be a colony of sugar ants tromping back and forth in a seemingly random isolated area of our house. So we we will dispose of them, clean that area thoroughly and then, a few days later, there is another swarm in a completely different area of the house. One week it's the kitchen (understandable with plenty of fruit and food particles available), the next time it's Elliott's room (they apparently like diapers and children's Tylenol) the next week it's our bathroom (due, no doubt, to my proclivity for taking sugar baths.)
And it's gotten personal. Each time a new area of ants crops up, I get a little angrier and my methods of disposal get a little more aggressive. We've gotten to the point where a simple deep clean and the occasional finger flicking of individual ants across the room is simply too good for these little bastards. It was time to break out the Raid. That's right. They didn't think I had it in me to go nuclear domestically but only spraying around the door cracks and windows outside the house was having little effect.
I love Raid. There is something incredibly satisfying about the immediacy of its results. You can wipe out an entire army of ants with one brief push of a button. In fact, perhaps the only thing more fun then that is using the Raid specially designed for bees, spraying small paper wasp nests and watching them fall to the ground one by one.
I love how Raid has pictures of upside down insects writhing in pain on the front of their bottles. That's what I want in an insecticide. I know in this world of green, environmentally friendly products, there are hundreds of natural and organic ways to deal with an ant problem. Screw that. I want a product with packed with diabolical chemicals designed by military scientists that may even be deemed reckless by a majority of chemists. I want something specifically designed to make ants suffer. Perhaps something that leaves them alive just long enough to howl to their friends who are watching that no amount of children's Tylenol is worth this kind of agony. In fact, if I was the head of product development for Raid I would make it so that each each time you pressed the button to spray, it emitted tiny yet clearly audible screams. That's a product I couldn't have enough of.
So if this doesn't work in the next week or so, I don't know what the next step is. Unfortunately, virtually all of my knowledge of this subject comes from playing the computer game SimAnt and, if that game taught me anything, it's that ants are virtually unstoppable unless they are faced with lawnmowers, spiders or electrical sockets. And I'm not willing to bring the lawnmower indoors yet.
Shelbi is going to read this post and no doubt remind me that not all ants
are evil, like the heroic one from Honey I Shrunk the Kids.
Actually, ants are really attracted to water: dog bowls, plants, etc, Just a thought.
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If the Raid doesn't work, perhaps you'd like to kick it up a notch. Not sure if they make this product for ants or not. http://www.hulu.com/watch/2418/saturday-night-live-bug-off
If that doesn't work, I can only tell you what worked for us in college my Freshman year when we had an ant problem: stop pouring ice tea mix, water and vodka on the floor.
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You gotta get this product that's like an orange caulk, and comes in a syringe-like tube. It's a bait that the worker ants bring back to the mo'fockin Queen and then ka-boom, she dead, no more ants. With that Raid spray sure you get that nice genocidal feeling but you're just taking out the peons, the minimum wage earners, you need to go for the boss lady. Oh, so I got side-tracked, so you've got your product, you need to find the exact source of where the little f**kers are streaming in, and then put the bait in that hole, and then maybe cover up that hole as well with some real caulk or tape so dogs or pets or babies don't lap it up (My dog has never shown an interest, but hey it smells good to ants, so who knows?) This is the hardest part (finding the source) and you've got to be very zen about the whole thing which is why it's the hardest part, because watching stoopid ants walk the way they do sucks because it looks random but if you wait long enough it's not, the little dirtbags are coming and going from specific spots. Anyways give me or Lee a call if you need the product name or anything else because man I could go on and on and on about killing ants (as you can see). I've made 1205 characters and have 2000 more available here in comment land but I think I'll let them go.
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As I was reading this, an ant crawled across the computer screen as if to say, "Do all you want - WE RULE!"
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This is such a great resource that you are providing and you give it away for free. I love seeing websites that understand the value of providing a quality resource for free.
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