My favorite wastes of time
When you spend 80% of your work day huddled in front of a computer desperately trying to come up with unique ways to write that a particular girls basketball team is terrible without doing so explicitly, the mind naturally searches for ways to procrastinate. And for that, thank goodness for the internet. I honestly don't know what I would have done if I'd had this same job 20 years ago. I'd have either shot myself by now or, perhaps more likely, been a far more efficient and professional employee.
Nonetheless, I am always on the lookout for ways to waste time in the form of humorous websites. Some of my favorites of the past few years are awkwardfamilyphotos.com, passiveaggressivenotes.com, failbook.com and cakewrecks.com (Shelbi's personal favorite). And, a few days ago, I was introduced to a new site that is quickly moving up my list of favorites. It's this.
My first impression after visiting the site was "Phew, Elliott hasn't done anything to the extent of most of these examples of child destruction. Sure he's dinged up our coffee table to a comical degree. He's chewed and torn through his fair share of books and some of his nicest baby clothes have officially been deemed unsalvageable but, all things considered, we've been pretty lucky so far.
My second impression was "How in the world are these kids left alone for long enough periods of time that they could possible wreak this much havoc?" I felt rather high and mighty about my parenting. Certainly I never let Elliott out of my sight long enough for him to cover himself in an entire tube of lipstick. But then I really started thinking. That's not true at all. I've let Elliott toddle down to his room without immediately following him, only to find him ingesting an ounce or two of Desitin a minute later. We also weren't quick enough to stop Elliott from dousing Shelbi's Blackberry in the dog dish.
I am convinced that time speeds up for children under the age of 5 once they are unsupervised. As soon as a parent stops watching them, their world immediately starts moving at 3x speed like instantly jumping from Level 1 to Level 25 in Tetris. How could there be any other explanation for Elliott leaving our TV room today and, literally three seconds later, when I got out of my chair to follow him, saw that he had crawled up on a kitchen chair and then onto the kitchen table and was proudly wielding a butcher knife?
Fortunately Shelbi saw him at the same time I did and went into 10 solid seconds of loud, unintelligible shrieking that both scared and baffled a wide-eyed Elliott into calmly putting the knife down as if to say: "Wow, I did not anticipate that reaction. You win. Let's all just chill out here and have some milk to calm everyone's nerves." So I guess the moral of the story is don't feel superior about your kids not causing serious harm to themselves or to your belongings when they're not even 18 months old yet.
I came across this scene a few days ago. I call this photo:
Naked Boy on Table with Cinnamon.
Wow, that site is awesome. I am bookmarking it. My favorite is the puker because the mom decided to take a photo instead of helping clean up! Dad does not look happy. Ha ha ha. I am sure I will have some photos to contribute someday, too. There is plenty of unsupervised misbehavior in my house; we are outnumbered.
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My fave time-waster sites:
People of Walmart
The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks
You Drive What?
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I think Christine and Chad are on the opposite extremes of the spectrum. Christine is a model victim, and Chad is a model perpetrator, and Howard is closer to the middle.
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So you think it's true? Yestarday I read enother things. I'll try to find that article.
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Tomorrow I finish university!
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